30 ways you know you’ve been living in Poland too long

When you live in a foreign country, you sometimes don’t realize the effects it has on your daily life. When I meet with my American friends nowadays, they think I talk funny. Poles have their own way of speaking English and when you hear it all day, every day, it starts to wear off on you as well. For example, I say “for example” way more than I used to or I use “this” in situations when I know I should use “that”. Polishisms. But there are innumerable other ways in which Poland rubs off on you. How? Read on.

1. You start to complain more than you’d like to because you know it’ll be awkward when you ask „how are you?”
2. In fact, when you go back home, you’re annoyed by how often people ask „how are you?” in public and that you actually have to talk to strangers.
3. You recall some words more quickly in Polish than in English and end up with some crazy mixture of both languages in one sentence.
4. You can’t live without fresh bread every day.
5. You wait for summer all year just so you can pick mushrooms and make pickles.
6. Every time you see your Polish family members, you receive 2-3 jars of various items including jam, compote, or cabbage.
7. You don’t even mention the word sex, even to people your age and who you’re close with, as you know it’ll be met with cringe-worthy discomfort and you feeling like a vulgar beast.
8. You can actually tell the difference between Polish and Silesian.
9. You realize that it’s not appropriate to act easy-going, casual and friendly in all contexts, e.g. at city hall or at university, because recognizing power distance is an important and necessary sign of respect.
10. You know you have to offer someone to eat something on the table, otherwise they’ll never touch it. And if there’s only one item left on the plate, no one will dare touch it.
11. You have so much Bolesławiec stuff that you could open a museum.
12. You keep a box full of empty jars ready for when the summer comes and you want to can all your favorite things for the winter.
13. You bring cake to the office for your birthday instead of the other way around.
14. You’ve been to more European countries than States.
15. You’ve stopped being shocked that people get married to their first and only boyfriends/girlfriends. (but still don’t really get how so many people can make the right decision so quickly and easily).
16. You currently own more jackets than most Floridians will have in their entire lifetime.
17. You kiss on the cheek instead of hugging but each time you go into it, you’re not really sure how many there will be.
18. You prefer eating your big meal in the afternoon and a small meal, or supper, in the evening.
19. You know that if you don’t stand as close as physically possible without touching the next person in line, other people will think that you’re not actually in line.
20. You call your partner „kochanie” more than some English pet name.
21. When you’re in public with your partner people can’t figure out where the two of you are from.
22. You dread leaving a place because you know it’ll be a big to-do. You have to kiss everyone at the party goodbye (even people who you never spoke to), the host walks you to the door, you have another 5-minute conversation there and then finally you can leave.
23. You often agree to be the designated driver so no one will pressure you to drink vodka at parties.
24. You prefer reading menus in Polish even when there’s an English menu because „kotlet mielone” sounds more like a dish than than „ground pork”.
25. You’re pissed off if you forget to go to the farmer’s market down the street for fresh eggs and have to buy them from the supermarket.
26. You’ve slept on a futon more times than you can count.
27. You’ve stopped using English slang because you know you’ll just have to explain it anyway and then it’s not funny.
28. You know that Sundays without family dinner aren’t proper Sundays and that no family meal is complete without soup and cake. And cake is eaten before dinner for birthday parties.
29. You’ve started calling soccer “football” and actually going to games.
30. You have to stop yourself from saying things in Polish to your friends back home who definitely don’t know any Polish…

Ok, so that was more than I thought it would be. Anything I missed my fellow expats?