Binational wedding in Poland? Three dilemmas to prepare yourself for

As an immigrant, bureaucracy is a huge part of my life. I have to have permission for basically everything and marriage is no exception. I mentioned in a previous post something about doing my wedding vows in Polish. Now I’ll describe a little more about what we went through to get here, now 2 weeks before our little, modest wedding.

We decided earlier this year to get married (what when we want to buy real estate together? Gotta be married. What if a war breaks out? These are legit questions!) and we’re not the kind of people to sit around and wait 2 years to do it. As a binational couple, it’s a lot more complicated than for normal couples. For us the process was… sza.lo.ny. insane! As always, there have been a few dilemmas along the way.

Here’s how it works:

First dilemma: the Polish government requires proof that you’re not married in your home country. If you call the American Embassy, you’ll find that this proof doesn’t exist. Why? Still not sure on that one. What can you do? Breathe and accept. The Embassy will send you a letter in English and Polish which states that the proof you need will not be issued. What do you do with that?

Second dilemma: Go to court, of course. You’ll have to set up a court date in your betrothed’s place of residence. Hopefully for your sake that’s nearby. What does the court case look like? Well you’ll have to answer whatever questions the judge asks of you. The first and most important will be, „Do you speak Polish?”. If not, they have to bring in an official translator (which you have to pay for), so make sure you figure that out before you go. Not sure if you can manage? If you can understand and answer these questions in Polish, you’ll be fine:

Where are you from?

How old are you?

Are you single?

How long have you lived in Poland?

Why do you live in Poland? (You need a drink for this one)

Do you have any family members in Poland?

Is your family happy that you’re getting married in Poland? (How do you say “of course they’re delighted I live a million miles away, and now I’m getting married they know I’m definitely not going back” in Polish?)

Where do you plan on living in the future?

Do you and your fiancé have any family members in common? (huh???)

Fortunately, I had a nice judge who took pity on me and talked very slowly, repeated questions, and overall was very understanding. Więc, dałam radę. I managed and it was one of my biggest accomplishments.

Third dilemma: Deciding whether to change your last name. Seems simple, but you’re in Poland, come on. Nothing is easy. Nic jest łatwe! Assuming your partner’s last name isn’t Grzegorzek, Trzetrzelewska or Chorążykiewicz (or something adorable like Gołąb – pigeon – or Pająk – spider, or Kapusta – cabbage), it’s not a huge issue. Luckily, Morawiec is a pretty easy name. No Polish letters and no z’s. However, if you decide to change, you’re dooming yourself to wasting more time in the Urzędy (city hall and such), which are not exactly foreigner friendly. Plus, you’ve got to change everything in Poland and in the States. If you decide on the double-surname hyphenate, you can keep more of your American identity, but then you’ll have more problems when people ask for your name and when you have to fill out documents. If you’re planning to stay in Poland, it’s probably just easier.

Lastly, you could consider waiting and changing your name in the future. Why make life hard now when you can put it off? Well, that’d be ok, but as a foreigner, you don’t have the right to change your name in Poland unless you’re getting married. Only citizens have that right. That means you’ll have to do it when you’re in the States, so you have to consider which is more difficult. Here or there? That’s not so easy to answer.

All this sounds hard, but you know, it could always be worse. Try not to get discouraged because it’s all part of the Polonization process. At least you’ll always have an interesting story to tell. Oh, and of course, you’ll be married so happily ever after and all that junk.