There’s a real difference in the way Americans and Poles show their feelings. Americans love talking, so they’re very specific about theirs – so much so it’s sometimes cringy-worthy. Poles are sometimes so non-descript about their romantic feelings that you’d think they were cold. But it’s not like that. There are two huge differences in our modes of expressions – Americans say and Poles show.
Americans express love the way they see it done in movies – outright and very over the top. On social media, you gave often see tribute posts, as I like to call them. Very open birthday shout outs or anniversary posts, which are mushy enough to make you feel queasy. “You’re my everything” and such. Sometimes it is really nice to feel appreciated for specific things, but usually it’s just too much. And I’m not talking about just women, men are just the same, sometimes even worse.
Poles would keel over and die before doing something like that – even more so I bet they wouldn’t know what to say. Even when it comes to cards they write very impersonal greetings like “wszystkiego najlepszego z okazji urodzin” and wishes for health and happiness but nothing about the person specifically. So basically their expressions of emotions are much more toned down than ours, which seem to be infused with red bull, crack and steroids all at once.
When my husband and I decided to get married, we just had a had talk about it and made the decision together. That was that. When I told him that I didn’t want any proposal or something like that he was so relieved because he thought I’d want some obnoxious proposal like from American movies. So he got lucky there – but by the time we got together I’d been living here for a few years so for sure that had an effect on me.
Overall, in my experience, Poles tend to show their feelings rather than say them out loud. That means they’ll help you with anything you need, cook you something, do things without needing a “thank you” and overall just being there. What’s even better is that there aren’t outrageously unrealistic expectations about relationships in Poland. You see a lot of Poles getting married to high school sweethearts and such, and I sometimes wonder if it’s not just because they found someone they like and that’s good enough. They don’t expect someone to move mountains for them, just to care for them and be a good partner.
I have to say, I do like that, but it did require a bit of acceptance from me. I like a nice card now and then or to hear some specifics about why I’m lovable 🙂 but I’ve just had to accept that that’s not really going to happen in the American way I expect it. It seems that “I love you” doesn’t require an explanation. It’s just enough as it stands (and maybe I should be grateful that I hear it from time to time!) So if you’re with a Polish guy, you might have to come to terms with that. In some way it makes the relationship more real. Look, grand gestures and grandiose expressions of love really only happen in movies.
Check out this post for more info on my thoughts on American men vs. Polish men.
Do you have any experience similar to mine? Would you agree with my opinions or disagree? Maybe there’s something to it or maybe I’m just imagining things? Let me know what you think in the comments below 🙂