I’ve officially been living in Poland for 10 years… a whole decade. I’ve gone from 23-year-old girl, freshly graduated from college with no plans for the future, to a mom of 2, wife, business owner, blogger, and the hardest of all – a Polish speaker 🙂 it’s been quite a decade. I’d like to commemorate it with the craziest shit that’s happened to me since I moved here.
Had my company closed without my knowledge
On a personal note, I initially moved to Poland for a guy who turned out to be…not so nice. When I broke up with him, he went to city hall and closed my company to get back at me. That’s when my future husband swooped in and saved the day. We reopened it with no issues. The joke was on the other guy because it turned out to be no big deal and I just paid less ZUS for one month. Can’t complain about that!
Bought a house…illegally
Maybe you’ve read my post about building a house in Poland. Any kind of renovations are a lot of fun (read: total nightmare). So, the interesting thing about being a foreigner and wanting to buy land in Poland is that you need permission from the government. That makes sense as they don’t want someone coming in and buying half of Poland. So, I get it, but we didn’t know that. We were approved for the loan, bought the house, signed the papers, all good. So we thought. A few months after we moved in, we got a letter from the Ministry of Internal Affairs – never a good sign – saying I illegally purchased property and have to sort it out. Cue our lawyer having an aneurysm – calling it the biggest mistake of his career – and kombinowacing his ass off. It’s all good and I didn’t go to jail. Not yet at least.
Embarrassed myself on live TV
Maybe I shouldn’t bring up my most embarrassing moment, but, in honor of this bare-it-all post, I’ll do it. Not like I haven’t posted about it before. In 2016, I went on Dzień Dobry TVN to discuss my blog and my husband came along as well. They wanted me to speak Polish, which I was reluctant to do, as I didn’t feel very confident in Polish at the time, and, well, it’s effing live TV, so even in your own language you might be stressed. Double the stress in a different language. Not only that, but I was in the 2nd month of my first pregnancy feeling nauseous and couldn’t eat that morning. Anyway, so I prepared the questions they gave me to death, and low and below the first question wasn’t what I’d prepared for, so I didn’t understand it 😱 Not my most shining moment. After that, I lost my mojo and my husband took over and covered for my loser ass till the end of the segment. Thank god for him 🙏 Now I’d crush it for sure. I’m just dumb enough to do it all over again 😂
When Straż Graniczna paid me a visit
I’ve been visited by the police on more than one occasion, but always in regards to my residence. This was something different. One day, I got home from work and my father in law oh-so-casually informed me that Straż Graniczna had dropped by the house looking for me. Dun dun dunnnn. As I proceeded to lose my shit, I asked him why in the fug they needed me and he just shrugged. Oh sure, no biggie. Just the border control coming to deport me. So, I called the number they left – continuing to lose my damn mind – and they came the next day. Of course I’m thinking they’ve come to take me away, but they sat down at my dining room table and asked me some questions about myself. Do I have a karta pobytu? Do I have a blog? Have I shared pictures of said karta pobytu online? Hmm, I thought. Yes, but a very long time ago when I was young and stupid. Ah, well, apparently someone had been using my old karta to advertise their fraudulent karta pobytu production service online. Fantastic! They asked me to kindly remove the photo and not to do stupid shit like that ever again. Ok, sorry Straż Graniczna. You were actually really nice but please don’t visit me again, k?
Contracted Lyme disease
Florida isn’t a place where you really worry much about ticks. For sure they exist, but I’ve never had one and my dad, who works outdoors, has never had one, so it’s not the same as in Poland, where you can get one just walking in your backyard. So, I was always really careful when we went to the forest, spraying myself, wearing protective clothing, and always checking after coming home. We spend a lot of time in the mountains and foraging for mushrooms, so it was always a possibility to have a tick. It turns out that I got Lyme around the same time I got pregnant with my first child, and my only symptom was two toes that were so purple they looked like I had broken them. I was sent from doctor to doctor for about 6 months – dermatologists, surgeons, etc. and no one had any idea what it was. Eventually, the redness in my toes, which continued to rise up my leg overtime, reached my mid-calf. It looked like I was wearing a sock and my foot was so swollen I could only fit into one pair of shoes. Finally, one doctor realized it could be the rash from a tick bite. I was super skeptical because I’d never found a tick on my body, but it turned out she was right. Six weeks of antibiotics and lots of tests later, I was “healed”, and everything now seems fine. I’m pretty lucky considering that some people don’t find out for years and have major complications. Now, we all do the test once a year or so just to be sure.
So – that’s it for the craziest things that have happened to me in Poland. I expect the next 10 years will be much calmer… 🙂 What kinds of crazy things have happened to you guys while living in Poland?